Sunday, January 23, 2005
Reflection on my current job
This is a port manteau entry, two columns on my current job as a tech support rep.
In the past month as I’ve taken on my latest job (as a tech support/customer service rep for a local company specializing in electronic gift cards), I’ve found myself encountering some of the more inane as well as some of the funnier aspects of American consumer society.
One particular call I took recently was from a woman who had a question about her Simon Gift Card. Only the information she was giving me was completely incorrect. I pointed this out to her and she got mad. “You’re all a bunch of screwballs” she snapped at me before hanging up. Had she not hung up so quick I would have responded “Lady I know that. Take it from me; life around this office is like an episode of MASH (without the gore) or a SNL skit at times”. (On a side note, I have written the script for a sitcom based on my office experiences).
Another caller informed a co-worker of mine that she “must have dropped out of school in the third grade” because her explanation on how to use his card wasn’t clear enough to get through his incredibly thick skull.
In actuality, calls laced with insults of that type are to be expected in an office like this. My own take on them is bring em on. In the now immortal words of Pat Benatar: hit me with your best shot. However, it isn’t the callers who fill their calls with profanity and insults that should trouble us. It’s ones like the following who are prime candidates for the Darwin Awards.
*A caller asks a co-worker what time the Fat Albert movie is playing. This because we service movie related cards. The best possible response to this question would be something like “Hey dickhead. Call the local movie theater or check the movie times section of your local newspaper. Otherwise unless you actually have a question about your Utix card bug off.”
*A caller asks me for a listing of open stores on Christmas Day so she can load her new Diamond Financial MasterCard. I reply that I do not have such a list and gently suggest that she should go to the store in her local area tomorrow when it’s open and load the card then. The caller gets irate and demands to speak to a supervisor. Preferred response: “Lady. Wait and load the damn card tomorrow fa a la la la la la la la”.
*A caller wants her card replaced because she cut it in half.
*But by far the stupidest question ever asked in the call center is one asked of a co-worker. “On the expiration date listed on my card, does the card expire?” Preferred answer: “No maam. That’s the date you start using your card”
Which is not to imply that all the people who call in asking for help with their cards are idiots. Many of them are the victims of silly mistakes made by a merchant (IE: Ringing up a transaction the wrong way). Often they fail to read the terms and conditions included with the cards. Then there are those who are victims of what certain people would define as acts of god.
So to make life easier for both cardholders and CSRs, I offer up the following list of suggestions.
1: Read, Read, READ the damn terms and conditions before you use the card. When you get a gift card, you should get a sheet full of various terms and conditions. Don’t just toss the sheet away like a discarded ticket stub to the latest Rob Schneider flick. Read it. Use a magnifying glass if you have to.
2: Do not ask incredibly stupid questions. The expiration date is printed on the card for a reason. There are not going to be ANY stores open on Christmas Day. We’re a gift card service company, not a movie theater.
3: Make sure you know what card you are calling about. This is the type of call we often get. A caller asks about a problem card, only it’s not the problem card. The same thing happened with the one I mentioned earlier who cut a card in half, thinking that it was an expired one, when in actuality it was a good one and she’d already thrown the expired one away.
4: Know how to actually USE the card before you go to use it. Simon cards are meant to be swiped as credit, not debit cards. If you’re trying to purchase something that costs more than what is on the card, FIRST pay off the difference, then use the card to pay the intended amount.
Take the following Simon Quiz before you go to use a Simon Card. I created this quiz on a slow, low call volume morning. The answers should be fairly obvious.
Simon Quiz
1: If a person has eight baseball cards and gives 12 to a friend, how many do they have left?
A: None. This is a trick question designed to deliberately throw the quiz taker off
B: 12
C: What was the question again?
2: You can buy Simon Cards either at:
A: The mall or via the Simon website
B: From the guy on the street corner with scraggly hair selling that green grass
C: From a gypsy caravan on the edge of town.
3: Your PIN number for your Simon card can be obtained by
A: There is no PIN number for a Simon Card. It only asks for a PIN number because you are swiping it as a debit instead of a credit card
B: By calling the psychic hotline
C: By beating on the machine that demanded the PIN number and screaming “Give me my PIN number or die”.
4: You bought $12 dollars worth of gas at a gas station and paid at the pump. Yet there is a $50 charge for gas on your card. Why is this so?
A: Because as clearly stated in the terms and conditions, there is a $50 pre-authorization when you pay at the pump and you should pay for your gas purchase inside the store before buying the gas.
B: Because some evil person at Simon saw you make a gas purchase and decided to increase the payment by $38 just to be mean.
C: Because you bought gas from a disreputable gas station.
5: To get those $50 refunded you should.
A: Contact the merchant and have them contact c/h services to get the transaction reversed
B: Inform the gas station where you bought the gas that the money better be back on the card in 2 hours or its Kaczynski time
C: Call up C/H services and think of new forms of profanity to use on the people who are trying to help you.
6: Simon Cards can be used
A: Anywhere Visa is accepted
B: Only at places that honor the spirit of Elvis
C: Only at places that voted for George W Bush in the last election
7: When Simon cards are used up, they can be reloaded by
A: They can’t be reloaded. You just have to buy a new card
B: By bribing people with free Plasma TVs and tickets to the newest Rob Schneider movie
C: By calling c/h services and informing them that card better be reloaded now or it will be Manson time
This is a port manteau entry, two columns on my current job as a tech support rep.
In the past month as I’ve taken on my latest job (as a tech support/customer service rep for a local company specializing in electronic gift cards), I’ve found myself encountering some of the more inane as well as some of the funnier aspects of American consumer society.
One particular call I took recently was from a woman who had a question about her Simon Gift Card. Only the information she was giving me was completely incorrect. I pointed this out to her and she got mad. “You’re all a bunch of screwballs” she snapped at me before hanging up. Had she not hung up so quick I would have responded “Lady I know that. Take it from me; life around this office is like an episode of MASH (without the gore) or a SNL skit at times”. (On a side note, I have written the script for a sitcom based on my office experiences).
Another caller informed a co-worker of mine that she “must have dropped out of school in the third grade” because her explanation on how to use his card wasn’t clear enough to get through his incredibly thick skull.
In actuality, calls laced with insults of that type are to be expected in an office like this. My own take on them is bring em on. In the now immortal words of Pat Benatar: hit me with your best shot. However, it isn’t the callers who fill their calls with profanity and insults that should trouble us. It’s ones like the following who are prime candidates for the Darwin Awards.
*A caller asks a co-worker what time the Fat Albert movie is playing. This because we service movie related cards. The best possible response to this question would be something like “Hey dickhead. Call the local movie theater or check the movie times section of your local newspaper. Otherwise unless you actually have a question about your Utix card bug off.”
*A caller asks me for a listing of open stores on Christmas Day so she can load her new Diamond Financial MasterCard. I reply that I do not have such a list and gently suggest that she should go to the store in her local area tomorrow when it’s open and load the card then. The caller gets irate and demands to speak to a supervisor. Preferred response: “Lady. Wait and load the damn card tomorrow fa a la la la la la la la”.
*A caller wants her card replaced because she cut it in half.
*But by far the stupidest question ever asked in the call center is one asked of a co-worker. “On the expiration date listed on my card, does the card expire?” Preferred answer: “No maam. That’s the date you start using your card”
Which is not to imply that all the people who call in asking for help with their cards are idiots. Many of them are the victims of silly mistakes made by a merchant (IE: Ringing up a transaction the wrong way). Often they fail to read the terms and conditions included with the cards. Then there are those who are victims of what certain people would define as acts of god.
So to make life easier for both cardholders and CSRs, I offer up the following list of suggestions.
1: Read, Read, READ the damn terms and conditions before you use the card. When you get a gift card, you should get a sheet full of various terms and conditions. Don’t just toss the sheet away like a discarded ticket stub to the latest Rob Schneider flick. Read it. Use a magnifying glass if you have to.
2: Do not ask incredibly stupid questions. The expiration date is printed on the card for a reason. There are not going to be ANY stores open on Christmas Day. We’re a gift card service company, not a movie theater.
3: Make sure you know what card you are calling about. This is the type of call we often get. A caller asks about a problem card, only it’s not the problem card. The same thing happened with the one I mentioned earlier who cut a card in half, thinking that it was an expired one, when in actuality it was a good one and she’d already thrown the expired one away.
4: Know how to actually USE the card before you go to use it. Simon cards are meant to be swiped as credit, not debit cards. If you’re trying to purchase something that costs more than what is on the card, FIRST pay off the difference, then use the card to pay the intended amount.
Take the following Simon Quiz before you go to use a Simon Card. I created this quiz on a slow, low call volume morning. The answers should be fairly obvious.
Simon Quiz
1: If a person has eight baseball cards and gives 12 to a friend, how many do they have left?
A: None. This is a trick question designed to deliberately throw the quiz taker off
B: 12
C: What was the question again?
2: You can buy Simon Cards either at:
A: The mall or via the Simon website
B: From the guy on the street corner with scraggly hair selling that green grass
C: From a gypsy caravan on the edge of town.
3: Your PIN number for your Simon card can be obtained by
A: There is no PIN number for a Simon Card. It only asks for a PIN number because you are swiping it as a debit instead of a credit card
B: By calling the psychic hotline
C: By beating on the machine that demanded the PIN number and screaming “Give me my PIN number or die”.
4: You bought $12 dollars worth of gas at a gas station and paid at the pump. Yet there is a $50 charge for gas on your card. Why is this so?
A: Because as clearly stated in the terms and conditions, there is a $50 pre-authorization when you pay at the pump and you should pay for your gas purchase inside the store before buying the gas.
B: Because some evil person at Simon saw you make a gas purchase and decided to increase the payment by $38 just to be mean.
C: Because you bought gas from a disreputable gas station.
5: To get those $50 refunded you should.
A: Contact the merchant and have them contact c/h services to get the transaction reversed
B: Inform the gas station where you bought the gas that the money better be back on the card in 2 hours or its Kaczynski time
C: Call up C/H services and think of new forms of profanity to use on the people who are trying to help you.
6: Simon Cards can be used
A: Anywhere Visa is accepted
B: Only at places that honor the spirit of Elvis
C: Only at places that voted for George W Bush in the last election
7: When Simon cards are used up, they can be reloaded by
A: They can’t be reloaded. You just have to buy a new card
B: By bribing people with free Plasma TVs and tickets to the newest Rob Schneider movie
C: By calling c/h services and informing them that card better be reloaded now or it will be Manson time
