Jeff Wilder's Soapbox

Currently the Bush Administration and Congress are faced with two very difficult tasks. The first one is trying to get their gay marriage amendment passed without having to deal with filibusters from Democrats or misguided Republicans and Libertarians. The second is getting the space program back in gear so we can start sending people to Mars.

According to NASA, one of the main drawbacks to the planned Mars expedition is that it would likely be a one-way trip: since the spaceships would not likely be able to take off from Mars. So whomever winds up going to Mars would most likely be going to stay.

So this creates a trap for the administration. How to select who would be best suited for the trip, while making sure this very important amendment gets passed.

So I offer the following proposal, which would help solve the problem of who should be going on the Mars flights, while at the same time eliminating the need for the defense of marriage amendment.

What solution do I offer you ask? A very simple one. I propose that we should start rounding up gays and lesbians and sending them to Mars.

Since the flights are apparently going to only be one-way flights, this should accomplish what we seek to accomplish. Send the gays and lesbians to Mars and leave them there. Makes sense doesn’t it? That’s a way of eliminating the undesirables from American society while at the same advancing our frontiers.

Of course, some people will not approve of this idea. So here I shall address both the pros and cons of it:

Pros:

Would rid American society of horribly subversive elements

Would save us from having to risk the lives of decent Americans in spaceships

Is more cost-effective than trying to send all the heterosexuals into outer space.

Cons:

Civil Libertarians, the ACLU and numerous other Americans will doubtlessly cry foul at the idea of the government rounding up gays.

Finding out who is actually gay will be somewhat difficult. For that, I propose that all Americans be required to carry around a National Sexual Identity Card. If someone has either lost or misplaced their card or if the card identifies the person as being anything other than Hetero, they shall be arrested on the spot.

In terms of cost to the taxpayers, the amount will still be steep. So I propose that President Bush and certain members of Congress (IE: Democrat Ronnie Shows and Republican Rick Santorum) come out and directly explain to Americans why this measure is necessary. No beating around the bush this time with misguided talk about Weapons Of Mass Destruction. I also propose that radio host Michael Savage campaign in favor of this idea. He will doubtlessly convert many skeptical taxpayers.

In addition to solving the two major problems noted above, this proposal would take care of many minor ones as well:

1: Overpopulation. Gays and Lesbians make up a significant chunk of the population. Not to mention that much land is taken up by bathhouses and gay porn theaters. Sending the homos to mars will eliminate the need for these. If they get up there and find that they need them that badly, they can build them. We’ll gladly supply the materials.

2: Educational Issues. Taxpayer money into schools can be drastically cut now that one aspect of sexual education will no longer need to be taught.

3: Prostitution Issues. Self-explanatory.

4: Cleaning the undesirables out of Hollywood. Self-explanatory.

The question that many will doubtlessly ask is: will the gay community object? My answer is that they probably will at first. However, once it is explained to them that by going to Mars they would be doing a service to their country, I think most would agree. For the few that don’t, I propose a form of brainwashing. Similar to what was done in The Manchurian Candidate, yet more advanced.

Now I must make one thing clear before I submit this proposal to Congress, the White House and all the other important people trying to protect America from this insidious influence. I myself am nowhere near being gay. I propose this idea for the good of this country. So here ends this piece of advice.

Jeff Wilder's Soapbox

Friday, March 20, 2015

A Modest Proposal For Dealing With The Gay Problem.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

New recruit hiring at the ISIS compound

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